Sin of Perfectionism (6-18-2017)
Humor- Once upon a time a church’s pastor was struck with a serious illness. Every week an update was posted in the bulletin about the pastor’s condition. One Sunday the posting read: “God is good--The pastor is better!”
Blessed Father’s Day to all! When we recall our father and his role in our life, some are filled with joy and thankfulness. Others are filled with sadness and resentment. Some of us, perhaps most of us had admirable fathers, while a few had fathers that failed in many ways. For most of us, there was a time, perhaps yet to come, when we realized our fathers were not perfect and we had to accept that--make peace with it so we could grow and mature.
This same realization and acceptance occurred or needs to occur with our grandfathers, godfathers and father-figures, especially our spiritual fathers—the priests and bishops of our Holy Orthodox Church. Consider for a moment the following:
MEMO TO: Jesus of Nazareth FROM: The Jerusalem Management Consulting Firm
Dear Sir: Thank you for submitting the resumes of the twelve men you have picked for management positions in your new organization. All of them have now taken a series of tests, and we have not only run the results through our computer, but we have also conducted an in-depth interview with each of them by our staff psychologist and vocational aptitude consultant.
The profiles of all tests are included, and you will want to study each of them carefully. It is the staff’s opinion that most of your nominees are lacking in background, education, and vocational aptitude for the type of enterprise you are undertaking. They do not have the team concept and we would highly recommend that you continue your search for persons with more experience, higher qualifications, and greater managerial abilities.
Simon Peter is emotionally unstable and is given to fits of temper. Andrew simply has no qualities of leadership.
The two brothers, James and John, the sons of Zebedee, place personal interests above company loyalty and are quite boisterous. Thomas demonstrates a questioning attitude that would tend to undermine morale among the ranks.
It is also our duty to inform you that the Better Business Bureau of Greater Jerusalem has received reports on Matthew regarding questionable business practices. James, the son of Alphaeus, and Thaddeus definitely have radical leanings and both demonstrate attitude problems which would present difficulty in their dealings with the public.
However, one of your candidates shows great potential. He is a man of ability and resourcefulness, meets people well, has a keen business mind, and has contacts in high places. He is highly motivated, ambitious, responsible, and is not afraid to take the initiative. We recommend Judas Iscariot as the most qualified of all of your prospective candidates. Sincerely, The Jerusalem Management Consulting Firm
It was not just the disciples of Jesus who were imperfect. We are all imperfect, especially the priests and bishops of our Church. However, God uses weak and imperfect people to accomplish His exalted purposes. “God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong” (1Cor.1:27). This is important to remember on the Second Sunday of Matthew as we hear in the Gospel (Mt.4:18-23) about Jesus calling His first disciples: Peter, Andrew, James and John.
For us to expect our fathers, grandfathers, godfathers, father-figures and spiritual fathers to be perfect is not only unrealistic but it is a sin. It’s called the sin of perfectionism. Perfectionism is basically the sin of pride. It assumes that being perfect is a realistic possibility. And we not only apply it to others, sometimes we apply it to ourselves. A perfectionist once said, “I never make a mistake. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.” On the other hand, a repentant sinner once said, “I try to never make the same mistake twice but every day I make new ones.”
Fr. Anthony Coniaris in his sermon/book, “Imperfect Disciples: The Sin of Perfectionism” (Homilies from an Orthodox Pulpit, pp.84-91) says that perfectionism is a personal tendency to expect perfect performance from ourselves and others. Thus, minor imperfections and tiny mistakes are intolerable and unacceptable. Common feelings about ourselves associated with imperfection include: “I am indispensable, they can’t do it without me…If I make an error I am a failure…If I don’t do it, it will not be perfect nor will it succeed…What others think of me is very important…I am what I do…I can’t forgive myself…I am unable to relax, I must always be busy…I fear not being like or loved…I cannot say no.”
I would add that perfectionism also affects our feelings about others: “He/she is lazy…They can never get it right…They must not be very smart…I cannot relate to him/her…They don’t really care about me…I cannot trust them.”
Because of their role, pastors, priests and bishops are very susceptible to perfectionism. A retired psychiatrist said to her pastor one day, “Your trouble is obvious. You want to be God. You wonder if your counseling will help others. You want to straighten life out for them. You fret about the results of your preaching. However, we cannot control the response or reaction of others to what we do or do not do. That belongs to God. If we try to manipulate the response to our actions, then we try to be God. We are called to do the best we can, and leave the consequences or results up to God. We are to do our part but to let God be God. He is supreme. He is sovereign. He is perfect. He is all-knowing. He, not we.”
We, both clergy and lay persons, cannot come to God if we think we are perfect. Our pride in our perfection places a barrier between us and God. The Apostle John wrote, “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us” (1Jn.1:8). Christ did not die for us because we are perfect. Rather, He died because we are not. The perfect person needs no Savior. Jesus said, “12 When Jesus heard that, He said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. 13 But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice.’ For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.” (Mt.9:12-13).
But Jesus also said, “48 Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect” (Mt.5:48). What does He mean? Christ’s command to perfection, not perfectionism, keeps us humble and penitent knowing that we can never attain it.
How often have we heard non-church goer say, “When I find the perfect church, I’ll join it!” The best response to this is, “There are not perfect churches because they are always filled with imperfect people. But if you find the perfect church, don’t join it because then it will be imperfect.”
Mahatma Ghandi said once, “I’d be a Christian if it were not for the Christians.’ He also said, “I like your Christ; I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” On the one hand, Ghandi was correct because there will never be a Christian exactly like Christ. Jesus alone was perfect and sinless. On the other hand, Ghandi was incorrect because Christianity does not necessarily offer us Christians but it does offer us Christ.
The Desert Fathers tell us about St. Sisoes who lay dying when the Lord appeared to him. He pleaded with the Lord, “Give me time to repent O Christ!” The brothers who were with Sisoes were astonished because they knew how holy he was and asked him, “You mean you have not repented yet?” Sisoes replied, “Believe me brothers, I have not yet begun to repent.” His example shows us that holiness is attained through sincere, daily repentance and confession, which is an attitude of unworthiness, not an attitude of perfectionism.
The great French preacher Francois Fenelon said once, “The love of God never looks for perfection in created things. It knows that perfection dwells in Him alone. As it never expects perfection, it is never disappointed.” This is especially important for us to remember on Father’s Day. How many people carry resentments because they never let go of their expectations for perfection—resentments towards their fathers for being imperfect and/or resentments towards others because they idealized their imperfect fathers. Think about it.
Just as wise fathers do not expect perfection from their children, so our heavenly Father does not expect it from us. But He asks that we keep it as our goal. Listen to these pertinent passages from the Scriptures:
15 but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in allyourconduct,16because it is written,“Be holy, for I am holy.” (1Peter 1:15-16).
Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God. (1Cor.7:1)
2 Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. (1John 3:2)
12 Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. (Philippians 3:12).
Nicholas Cabasilas writes, “The life in Christ originates in this life…It is perfected however, in the life to come.” Thus, as children of God we should always be aiming at perfection. But demanding it with a perfectionism that cannot accept failure misses the point of who we are as humans living in a fallen world.
As we close today, Fr. Coniaris writes that in the first century, the Christian community was known as the Way (n odos) (Acts 9:2; 24:14). This is an apt description for Christians because we are, or should be, always on the road, found at different locations, different levels of growth, driving different cars. And, as long as we are on the road moving forward, we should be patient with ourselves and understanding of others. More than that, we need to link hands and help our weaker brothers and sisters. This is what the Church is all about. It is a redemptive fellowship of repentant sinners who are on the slow, difficult process of being turned into saints. Perhaps we have seen the bumper sticker, “Don’t criticize me. God isn’t finished with me yet.”
C.S. Lewis suggested that God is easy to please but hard to satisfy. We are that way with our children. When our kids come home from school and are able to read for the first time, we are pleased but we are not satisfied until they can also read Plato and Aristotle, the newspaper and the Bible. So, consider this when you remember your own fathers, grandfathers, godfathers, spiritual fathers and father-figures. Blessed Father’s Day! Amen!
Following a massive and devastating tornado that struck its’ campgrounds in Greece last fall, Ionian Village has begun its 2017 summer camping programs with the popular trip for young adults, Spiritual Odyssey.
In accordance with Article 14 of the Charter of the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America and the pertinent Regulations of the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America (Advisory and Consultative Role in Hierarchical Elections) and in light of the vacancy in the Holy Metropolis of Chicago, the Archdiocese publishes the list of candidates eligible for election to the Office of Metropolitan or Auxiliary Bishop.
The Center for Family Care of the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese will host its second family ministry conference, The Orthodox Family in a Changing World, in an effort to explore critical issues in the family life-cycle and practical methods to address them in the parish and the home.
